last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
