I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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