The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
