we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
