I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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