Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
