He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize