A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
