Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
