he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
