Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
