3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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