I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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