Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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