I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
