so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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