someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
