I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
