I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
