The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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