dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
