I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
