East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize