who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
