i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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