singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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