Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
