she was so not down for the gang bang
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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