He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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