i wish peter jackson would direct porn
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
