shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
