I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
operation harelip BJ is a go
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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