would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize