not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
