Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
