The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
