i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
