I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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