You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
