yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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