yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
