And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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