I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
