when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
