There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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