I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
