i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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