the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
