porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
