I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
