i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
