I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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