i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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