Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
