So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
