matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
