Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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