How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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