FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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