Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize