That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
