so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
