Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
