does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
