does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
