happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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