i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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