fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
