Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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