evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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