Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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