So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
