how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
