I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
