White coat. Heels.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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