Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
