just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
