I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
