Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
